Humor So, I (F, 28) have been married to my husband (M, 31) for almost 4 years, and we have two young kids. Every year, we spend Christmas Eve with his family, and honestly, I’ve always dreaded it. The main reason is my mother-in-law (MIL).
She’s always been kind of a difficult person, but over the years, it’s gotten worse. From the moment I met her, I felt like she saw me as someone “beneath” her. I’ve tried to be polite, tried to get along, but it’s getting harder and harder to deal with.
She’s not outright *mean*, but it’s the little things that add up. For example, when we’re over at her house, she’s always giving me things to do, like getting drinks, cleaning up....
And if I say like, “Oh, I’m actually just sitting down for a minute,” she’ll look at me like I’m the most lazy person on earth. It’s not like I *mind* helping out, but it’s always *me* that’s expected to do it. My husband doesn’t get the same treatment. And the worst part?
The “jokes.” Oh my god. She has this way of making comments that sound like a joke, but they really hurt. Like, she’ll say things like, “I hope you’re not too tired to cook tonight, dear.
It’s a lot of work, I know, but you’re young, so you should be fine,” or “You should really eat less of that, you don’t want to end up as big as my son’s ex.” Or, my personal favorite, “Don’t worry, dear, I’m sure you’ll get better at handling the kids.
It takes a real woman to do it properly.”
It sounds like nothing, right? But after years of hearing stuff like this, it starts to wear on you. I’ve tried to talk to my husband about it before, and he always brushes it off.
He says “that’s just how she is” and “she’s not trying to hurt your feelings.” I get it, I do, but I’ve *had* enough of it. It’s like he doesn’t even see it, or worse, doesn’t care.
So, when we started talking about Christmas Eve plans this year, I flat-out told him I didn’t want to go. I said I was tired of being treated like crap every time we go to her house, and that I didn’t want to put myself through it again.
I told him we could stay home, do our own thing, and just enjoy Christmas as a family. I thought it would be fine, but no. He got *so* mad. He said I was being selfish and ruining *his* Christmas.
He told me I was making him choose between me and his mom, and that I should just “suck it up” for one night because it’s tradition. I tried to explain that I shouldn’t have to suck it up, that I’ve put up with it for years, but he wasn’t hearing it.
He said I was making everything harder than it had to be, and now, he’s barely talking to me. I feel like I’ve ruined the holiday for him, and that wasn’t my intention at all. I just want to feel respected. So, now I’m stuck feeling guilty but also standing by what I said.
I don’t think I should be expected to tolerate being treated like this, but I also don’t want to ruin Christmas for everyone else.
